GOLF IS A TEAM SPORT

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“Who ya got, Tiger or the field?” Believe it or not, this was once a legitimate question to ask going into a golf tournament. Between 1999 and 2009, Tiger was in the prime of his career, and at his best Tiger Woods was Michael Jordan playing on a tour full of Craig Ehlo’s. He had one goal, which was to win every time he stepped foot on the course. Woods was the best thing to happen to golf since the cart was invented. He drew television viewers in numbers never seen before, and his opponents would much rather play “throw-up tackle” with James Harrison then be in the same group as him on a Sunday. Tiger had no equal on the tour and we all knew that he was well on his way to breaking Sam Snead’s record for career PGA Tour wins (82), and also surpassing the 18 majors won by the legendary Jack Nicklaus. In his prime, seeing Tiger Woods in red meant that he was coming to put the finishing touches on yet another victory. Bur now, seeing Tiger in red simply means that his favorite rapper is The Game, or that he roots for the Kansas City Chiefs. My how things have changed.

From 1996 to 2002 Tiger was a person with one singular focus. He ate, slept, and lived golf. Then in 2003, Woods discovered that there was more to life than golf, and decided to get married. Now he would not only be seen as the best golfer in the game, but also a family man. On the surface, it seemed as though he had it all. Little did we know that behind the scenes he REALLY had it all (more on that in a minute). When Tiger decided to get married, many sports fans and talking heads on television wondered aloud if this would hurt his golf game. He had become this great champion with tunnel vision and now there would inevitably be distractions. (Don’t you just love how the fans and the media can decide that athletes shouldn’t have families because it may affect their ability to entertain us?) As it turns out, getting married and having children didn’t hurt Tiger’s game one bit. It was divorce that led to the Tiger Woods who we see today, you know the one that plays like Happy Gilmore.

Tiger is a rare athlete. Most athletes need to completely focus on their craft to reach their maximum level of performance. When boxers approach a fight, their training intensifies and they swear off all distractions, most notably sex. When NBA players are in a playoff series, they are completely focused on the task at hand. This is the one time in the season when the groupies may as well stay home. The fewer the distractions the better. NFL teams when playing in the Super Bowl have strict curfews in the final days leading up to the game to ensure complete focus (Eugene Robinson decided have a little fun and all Falcons fans know how that turned out). Tiger, on the other hand seemed to be at his best when he had female distractions all over the country. In lieu of the fact that his marriage ended due to extramarital affairs (with more women than I would ever think a corny dude like Woods could ever handle at one time), I think it’s safe to assume that he had quite a few women on his “team” before he decided to get married. He was a beast on the course when these “distractions” were in his life. Marriage only made him play better, because now he had the excitement of keeping his “main girl” a.k.a star player/wife happy while juggling all of his bench players. I just hope he didn’t have his wife’s cell number in his cell phone as “Main Girl”. Then sometime around Thanksgiving of 2009, Mrs. Woods realized that Tiger thought that golf was a team sport; judging by his team of women on the side. We all know what happened next, and his marriage ended soon after. During the time when he was trying to save his money, sorry I mean marriage, Tiger cut everyone from the team. Then his wife left him anyway. Now Tiger has no star player and no bench players either. You would think that his golf game would flourish because he had all the time in the world to practice. Yet, inexplicably, it has become average at best.

Every time Tiger hits the fairway with a drive or finishes in the top 10 at some “off-brand” tournament sponsored by some cookie company, the lead story on SportsCenter is, “Is Tiger Back?” The answer is a resounding NO! This may sound bad, but Tiger needs some “distractions” in high heels in his life. Since Tiger is now single, he should go out and hold tryouts for a new team. Maybe this will help him get his mojo back.

There is possibly another factor that has contributed to the decline in Tiger’s game besides a correlating relationship with the amount of numbers in his iPhone. Anthony Galea, a doctor that several elite athletes including Tiger Woods have been linked to, has been investigated for allegedly providing performance enhancing drugs to athletes. I am not a scientist, attorney, or a judge, so I really can’t tell you if Galea actually distributed performance enhancing drugs to Woods or anyone else. However, I do know that Tiger’s body has begun to break down. Particularly the knees. FYI, Barry Bonds also had serious knee problems. This same doctor has also been linked to Alex Rodriguez as well. I’m not connecting the dots, just letting you know that you are staring at a page full of dots.

The chances of Tiger returning to dominance are about as good as the chances that Outkast will drop another album. Face it Tiger fans, IT’S OVER! There was a time when Tiger was the bully on the PGA block. When golfers fortunate enough to be ahead of him on the leader board saw him creeping up on them, they would tuck their chains like Debo was coming. Now, they simply wait for him and go toe to toe with him. Unfortunately for him, lately they have been winning. Tiger has proven that contrary to popular belief, golfers do need a team to be successful. Without his starting lineup and bench, Tiger simply isn’t Tiger. He’s more like  Sergio Garcia.

And now for my Baller & Scrub of the Week….

BALLER – John Calipari & MY KENTUCKY WILDCATS: You had to know this was coming. I am a huge Kentucky fan, and I have enjoyed this college basketball season more than any since 1998 (coincidently the last time that UK won the title prior to this year). This year’s Wildcats were by far the best team in college basketball. It has taken every fiber of my being not to write about them all season long. I simply wanted to enjoy and savor what I knew would be a special season. Congrats to the Cats and I can’t wait for next season when the next crop of legally and fairly recruited studs arrive on campus.

SCRUB – BOBBY PETRINO: For someone who loves to write about and commentate on sports as much as I do, Bobby Petrino is the gift that keeps on giving. Bobby Petrino embodies the phrase “character issues.” While at Louisville he took a late night flight to Auburn with a group of boosters that were determined to get rid of then coach Tommy Tuberville and replace him with Petrino. Their attempt to relieve Tuberville of his duties was unsuccessful, and Petrino looked like an idiot for trying to take another coach’s job while he was still in the position. This was a really bad move by Petrino because not only was he basically spitting in the face of Louisville, but he was also trying to take the job of his former boss. That’s not all. For those of you reading this that don't reside in Atlanta or follow the Falcons, this is the guy that quit on the team DURING THE SEASON to take the Arkansas job. Needless to say, no one should feel sorry for the athletic director at Arkansas. He knew who he was hiring and the type of character that he is. As the old saying goes, “When you lay down with dogs, you get fleas.”

With that in mind, can the good people at Arkansas really be surprised that Petrino was cruising around on a motorcycle with a 25 year old woman riding on the back? This is where his arrogance shows, if Petrino was cruising around in a SUV with tinted windows, he could have possibly gotten away with the affair. However, a Tahoe with dark windows doesn’t show off the fact that you are a 51 year old man who could pull a 25 year old girl. Obviously she’s with him for his warm heart and personality and not his money. If he made $30,000 per year and not $3,000,000, I’m sure he could still get her. Petrino decided that he should ride around with his girlfriend without a helmet to make sure that everyone sees him. He obviously doesn’t care about his wife or her feelings. Bobby Petrino is without a doubt the most famous person in the state of Arkansas whose last name is not Clinton or Walton. Not only do the people know him, but I can guarantee that most Arkansas fans can pick out his wife and children out of a line-up. There was a 100% chance that he would be recognized while on his joy ride, and he simply didn’t care.

Cheating on your wife is wrong, but that is an issue between Bobby and Mrs. Petrino. The real problem here is that he was so arrogant about his affair that he hired his mistress to work in the football department and paid her a $50,000+ salary. So not only is he a liar and a cheater, he is also a person who utilizes state funds to ensure that his girlfriend is only a few feet away from him. Yeah, that was a good one that wasn’t going to eventually back fire. I’m glad he thought that move all the way through. I’m sure that if he ever broke off the relationship, she wouldn’t make sexual harassment charges against him and the University. Good thing for Petrino that things like that never happen.

This wise decision has costs Petrino his $3,000,000 per year job. Like so many men before him and the many that will surely come after him, sex has been his undoing. Apparently going 21-5 over the last two seasons in the toughest division in college football doesn’t get you a free pass on lying to your boss, and having an affair with a woman that you hired to make your affair more convenient.

Trust me, we have not heard the last of Bobby Petrino. First of all, he is an excellent college football coach that will get another job in the near future. Secondly, as I stated earlier, he is the gift that keeps on giving, and I’m pretty sure he will be giving us something new to talk and blog about very soon.

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THERE’S ALWAYS SPORTS RADIO

After my customary break to focus on finishing up the semester strongly (I got two A’s this semester and I am only five classes away from my MBA), I AM BACK!!!! So sit back and enjoy, because I want to discuss a topic that at one point or another has entered the minds of all football fans (NFL and NCAA). That topic is the future of myth and legend that is known as Tim Tebow.

Florida fans and the television powers that be (primarily ESPN & CBS) have had a huge football love affair with this kid since the day he stepped on campus. As a freshman, he was nothing more than a backup fullback (wearing a quarterback’s number) who attempted all of 33 passes that season. Yet for some inexplicable reason, he received more attention than Chris Leak who was Florida’s senior starting quarterback. You may remember him; he was the guy that actually led Florida to the national championship that season. Yet, when mentioning Tebow everyone always says that he won two national championships. I find that to be a bit disingenuous. While Tebow definitely won the National Championship in 2008, saying that he won it 2006 is like saying that Drew Bledsoe won the 2002 Super Bowl for New England, or that Byron Leftwich won the Super Bowl last season. Chris Leak did a lot for that program, and I just hope that when they celebrate the 10-year anniversary of that championship, that they at least invite him to be a part of the festivities.

I also found it quite nauseating that CBS interviewed him on the field immediately after Florida’s SEC Championship Game loss to Alabama. Now, I have watched a lot of college sports in my day, and I can’t recall any other instance where a losing player was interviewed on the field after a game. That usually happens outside of a somber locker room, or in the pressroom, but never on the field. That was Alabama’s moment, and CBS should not have let their obvious love affair with Tebow cast any shadow over Alabama’s celebration. As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if CBS tries to pressure AFC teams into drafting him so that they can cover his sure to be brief NFL career.

Although I have been absolutely annoyed by the media coverage that Tebow receives, and equally annoyed by his carefully crafted image (more on that later), I will admit one thing: THIS KID WAS A GREAT COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYER! While it is true, that he has had the great fortune of playing on some phenomenal teams at Florida (a school that doesn’t have to recruit, they simply pick who they want), he has made his share of big plays to lead them to victories. His skill set is perfectly suited for the college football game, but not the NFL. He has proven that he can complete passes to receivers who are open by five yards. This happens a lot at Florida because their receivers are simply better than most secondary’s that they line up against. However, in the NFL if a receiver is consistently open by five yards, a defensive back will lose his job. Open in the NFL is basically having your inside shoulder inside of the defender’s inside shoulder. Tebow doesn’t have the arm or accuracy to consistently complete that pass. In college, he also proved to be a tough runner who can simply run through most defenders. If he tries to do that in the NFL, he will quickly be given Google Map directions to a place called injured reserve. Simply put, try that in the NFL and Ray Lewis will break you in half. Trying to run by NFL defenders is also not an option, unless you have the speed of Michael Vick or Vince Young (which Tebow does not). He will quickly learn that the majority of NFL defensive ends are much bigger, faster, and stronger than him. The bottom line is that Tebow is a quarterback with an average arm (can throw far with a lot of air under the ball, but can’t really throw the ball on a rope), who does not possess the skills to be a pocket passer in the NFL. He also isn’t fast enough to be a run/pass threat like Michael Vick, Steve Young, Vince Young, or Randall Cunningham.

I think that I have made it pretty clear that I don’t think that Tim Tebow can play quarterback in the NFL. However, I do feel that there is a place for him in the league. I think he could play an H-back position (sort of a fullback/tight end hybrid), and maybe hold for kicks. Now that I think of it he could possibly excel at being the personal protector for the punter on the punt coverage unit. But quarterback? NOT A CHANCE!

To me, Tim Tebow comes across as a carefully crafted political figure. I just get the vibe that his handlers are already preparing him for a career in politics. He acts like he grew up next door to the Cleavers and is the most wide-eyed and innocent person in college football. There have even been stories of him spending his spring break in third-world countries performing surgical procedures on children. He even writes bible verse, which some people can alter or interpret to be game results (please see picture below).

Is there not a more perfectly crafted image of a wholesome, All-American boy? I’m not buying it. It all seems fake and phony to me. My only advice to him is if you are going to say one thing and portray one thing, you had better live it. There have been several high-profile instances of the exact opposite happening. You don’t want to become one of them.

The bottom line is this. If NFL teams are smart, he will not be drafted before the third round. At that point, the financial commitment will not be devastating if he doesn't pan out. The team that drafts him should immediately make him their H-back. He should have a decent career there. But we all know that's not going to happen. Some team will be stupid enough draft him in the first or second round to play quarterback (it has happened before with less accomplished college quarterbacks). Their thinking is that it will do wonders for their image. They will then learn the hard way that Tim Tebow does not have the ability to play quarterback in the NFL. He will certainly work hard and give it the old “college” try, but after three seasons of sitting on the bench or failing miserably on the field (depending on how stupid the coach is), Tim Tebow will begin his second career which is indeed his true calling. He will be a sports-radio host in Gainesville Florida, where he will always be considered a god. Hey, it worked for Buck Belue.

AND NOW FOR MY BALLER & SCRUB OF THE WEEK:

BALLER: John Wall (PG University of Kentucky) – He is simply the best player in college basketball. Over the past week, he has led Kentucky to victories over North Carolina, Connecticut, and Indiana. This kid is amazing. If you haven’t seen him play yet, make some time and check him out. He is definitely worth it. However, if you want to see him in college you had better hurry up because he will only be there one season. I hope his one season in Lexington leads to a National Championship.

BALLER: Mark Ingram (RB University of Alabama) – Although I am not an Alabama fan, Mark Ingram is by far my favorite college football player. He plays the game the way it should be played. He is a hard runner that can run by defenders, but would much rather run through them. I also have never seen him run out of bounds to avoid contact. He’s so tough that he makes you forget that Shaun Alexander (softest NFL RB in recent history) once played for Bama. Ingram definitely deserved to win the Heisman. Congratulations!

SCRUB: Tiger Woods (Professional Golfer) – I know that he isn’t the first person or high-profile athlete to cheat on his wife, but he is the latest to learn that eventually the mistresses will come out and say something. While I am disappointed in him for his “transgressions” as he likes to call them, I am not surprised. I mean, he was a filthy rich man who married a trophy wife. Did anyone really think that there was real love and respect there? Unfortunately, this type of thing happens all the time. He is a famous and wealthy guy who thinks that all of these women want him for his looks and charisma. I find that funny because to me he simply seems to be a corny dude who happens to be great at golf (which has made him extremely wealthy). He is waaayyyy to lame to think that he could pull off this lifestyle long-term. He had to know that eventually he would get caught. If not, shame on him.

SCRUB: Tim Tebow (QB University of Florida) – After your team got slaughtered by Alabama, you were on the sidelines crying like a little girl that didn’t get the bike she wanted for Christmas. I just want to know if you were crying because you lost the game, or because you realized that your athletic career would be all down-hill from there? Either way it goes, save it for the locker room. The man, the myth, and the legend that is Tim Tebow should not be seen crying after losing a game.

WHAT'S THE POINT

I never played big-time college sports, so hopefully someone who did or who knows more about college sports than I do can answer these two questions for me. What is the point of NCAA investigations? and How does the NCAA determine what programs or issues to investigate? The recent investigation into the high school transcript of a former University of Memphis player who fits the description of Derrick Rose has prompted me to ask these questions, because in my eyes, the NCAA is the most bass-ackwards sports organization that I have ever seen (that hasn’t been run by Isiah Thomas).

It has been reported by a variety of media outlets that the NCAA is investigating allegations of a player fitting the description of Derrick Rose using a stand-in for the SAT Test and having high-school grades changed so that he would be able to qualify for a scholarship at Memphis (where he only played the mandatory one season). Although these allegations would qualify as big violations of NCAA rules, I find the timing of this particular investigation rather peculiar. Since he has left high school Derrick Rose has led Memphis to a Final Four, become the #1 draft pick in the NBA, led the Chicago Bulls to the playoffs (where they participated in one of the best playoff series of all time), and won the NBA’s Rookie of the Year. So, I ask of you, do you really think that he cares about an NCAA investigation into his high school transcript? Also, if Barney Fife and the rest of the NCAA investigators find that these allegations are true, what can they do to him?

There are those who would argue that the investigation still needs to take place and that the coaches and/or administration must be held accountable if any wrong-doing has taken place. However, that will also be difficult to do because the “Teflon Don” himself John Calapari is no longer pacing the sidelines at Memphis. He has taken his great recruiting ability and excellent coaching skills to COLLEGE BASKETBALL WINNINGEST PROGRAM, The University of Kentucky (he has also been told that he is not at risk in the investigation). So again I ask, what is the point?

There are only a couple of possible outcomes for this investigation. One possibility is that nothing could happen. If the NCAA finds that no rules were broken during the recruiting of the player that fits Rose’s description, then life would go on as normal for all of the concerned parties. However, if it is decided that violations did take place, then Memphis will almost certainly face some sort of NCAA sanctions. This could mean that they could possibly have to forfeit their recent Final Four appearance and all of the income earned from it. Trust me, no one is going to forget that they made it to the Final Four even if the NCAA strips them of that distinction. Much like everyone still remembers the Fab Five of the University of Michigan from the early 90’s. The NCAA also found them guilty of rules violations and removed all of their records from the books, IN 2003 (man I’m glad the guilty parties had to deal with the consequences of their actions, the NCAA is never late, but always right on time)! They could also lose scholarships and/or be put on probation. What a way for new coach Josh Pastner to start his head coaching career?

As far as elite college basketball jobs go, the University of Memphis does not qualify as one of them. They are in a terribly weak conference and were only regularly on TV because they had a high-profile coach, in Calipari, that was able to recruit the kids that networks wanted to put on television and schedule games with big name programs. Now that he is gone, look for Memphis, if they avoid NCAA sanctions to remain near the top of Conference USA, but not garner very much national attention. On the other hand, if the NCAA does decide to sanction them, look for their program to follow a similar path as the Georgia Basketball program after the Jim Harrick fiasco. They were so hamstrung by sanctions and bad publicity that the next coach never had a chance. That would be terribly unfair to Pastner because he will be there to deal with the fallout, while Rose (if it is actually him that they are investigating) continues to collect NBA millions while becoming one of the faces of the NBA, and Calipari enjoys his thrown on top of the College Basketball World at the University of Kentucky. Since all of the alleged parties of interest have moved on, someone please tell me, what’s the point of this investigation again?

AND NOW FOR MY BALLER & SCRUB OF THE WEEK

BALLER: Stan Van Gundy (Head Coach Orlando Magic) – You may look like the third Super Mario Brother or an “actor” that I won’t name here because this is a family blog, but you figured out a way to defeat LeBron James and the Pips in order to move on to the NBA Finals. Congratulations! Be sure that after you win the championship this year, that you go up to Pat Riley and tell him to “Kiss the Ring” for the way he played you during the 2005 – 2006 season. Now go out and beat the Lakers, because I HATE KOBE BRYANT!!!!

SCRUB: LeBron James’ Background Singers (AKA the rest of the Cleveland Cavaliers) – What happened? You had the best regular season record in the NBA this season. Then you choked when it really counted. You gave LeBron James virtually no help in this playoff series. Outside of James and Delonte West, no one on that team showed any toughness on the court. In crunch time LeBron had to bring the ball up court, survey the defense, and make the play (shot or assist, and sometimes both) to keep you in the game. He also had to play virtually every minute of every game, which obviously wore him out. Just think, if he had just a little bit of help, you would be playing on the Big Stage in the NBA Finals. But instead you will continue to be his background singers in small nightclubs.