NOBODY’S PERFECT

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This has been by far one of the worst NBA regular seasons that I have ever seen. Due to the lockout, the NBA was forced to compress its season and squeeze 66 games into a four-month time span. As a result, teams have been forced to sometimes play three games in three nights. This has had an adverse affect on the quality of play. Injuries have increased due to the lack of recovery time between games, which forced a lot of players to miss a significant number of games. Coaches have also been resting star players more than usual in order to have them fresh and healthy going into the playoffs. This year the top teams have used the regular season to simply get in shape and fine tune their games for a playoff run. The general feeling coming into the season was that playoff seeding wasn’t important, teams simply wanted to get there in one piece. Once the playoffs begin they will be willing to take their chances on the road as long as they are equipped with a full complement of healthy players.

As we enter the month of May, it is time to see which team will peak at the right time and make a run at the championship. As we know, 16 teams make the playoffs in the NBA (8 in the East and 8 in the West). This is definitely too many teams, but that isn’t the point of this entry. (However, I did write a column about that for www.dailyshootout.com that will be available for you to enjoy some time this weekend. I will tweet the link once it’s available.) This season, of the 16 teams that qualified, I would say that six or seven are legitimate title contenders. The rest are simply increasing their cardio in preparation for next season. Looking at the playoff field, we all have our favorites to make it to the Finals. However, no team is perfect entering the playoffs.

**Before I get started discussing the legitimate playoff teams, I would like to make one blanket statement that will upset and/or offend the fans of several teams at once.**

This goes out to the fans in Orlando, Philadelphia, and Utah. Your teams have absolutely no chance of winning a playoff series this year. There is really no reason to go to the arena or tune in on television, unless you want to watch their opponents skillfully dissect them and extract them fro mthe postseason. To the players on those teams, I’m OK with you mailing it in; playing hard will only delay the inevitable. Just think, if you play hard and catch your opponent on an off night, you will do nothing more than tease you fans with a meaningless victory that will lead to absolutely nothing. So go ahead and give a half-hearted effort and go through the motions. Don’t worry, if the fans start to get mad at you, just tell them I said it was OK.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s take a look at the other thirteen teams that actually have a chance to win a series or two, or three, or possibly four: Although they all look great on paper and in the eyes of their fans, every team entering the playoffs has a flaw that if exploited will bring their season to an abrupt end. Let’s take a look at them:

Chicago Bulls: Derrick Rose please give me a call, I want to introduce you to this dude that plays in Miami. His name is LeBron James, you may have heard of him. He’s the guy that will be guarding you if you so happen to face off in the Eastern Conference Finals. That my friend, will be a bad matchup for you. The Bulls are a team that plays hard every night. They finished the regular season with the best record in the NBA simply because they are a talented team that never takes a night off, which is rare in today’s NBA. However, the playoffs are not the regular season. The Bulls simply don’t have enough cumulative talent to win a title. They will easily win their first round series, but they will have a tough matchup in the second round if they face the Celtics. If they happen to get past them, the Heat will be waiting. Derrick Rose is great, and several of their other players are good. But they simply will not match up well against the other top teams in the East in a series where there are days off between games and they can focus all of their efforts and energy into stopping Derrick Rose. The Bulls have had a great season, and they will make a nice little playoff run, but they really don’t have a chance at winning the championship this year.

San Antonio Spurs: Somehow, someway, the old guys that meet every Thursday at 10am to play pickup basketball have managed to have the best record in the West. However, the experience that they used to navigate the regular season successfully can quickly turn into the age that will get them eliminated by a younger and more athletic team. Teams like the Lakers and Clippers will pose all types of problems for the Spurs with their young and athletic front lines. Seeing as how this is 2012 and not 2005, I think Blake Griffin, DeAndre Jordan, Pau Gasol, and Andrew Bynum are salivating at the opportunity to potentially face the undersized DuJuan Blair and a 36 year old Tim Duncan.

Miami Heat: Players one through three on Miami’s roster may be the best trio in the NBA, but players four through 12 aren’t much better than the Toronto Raptors. If Bosh, Wade, and James dominate, Miami will be the prohibitive favorite entering the playoffs. On the other hand, if James disappears and Bosh doesn’t play tougher than a 12 year old girl holding a baby-doll, Wade alone will not be enough to will them to a title. It’s put up or shut up time for the Heat, meaning that this is about the time that LeBron James starts playing like Marvin Williams and the Heat solidify themselves as the NBA version of the New York Jets—all talk.

Oklahoma City Thunder: The Thunder are a terrific team that many feel should win the West. They have a very good chance of winning the West, as long as their one glaring flaw is not exploited by an intelligent and capable opponent. The Thunder are strictly a jump shooting team. They do not have any thing that could potentially pass for a low post scorer. They run all of their plays to get jump shots for Durant, Westbrook, or Harden. This is a great strategy when their shots are falling. However, when their shots are off, things can get about as ugly as Sam Cassell. Playoff games are played at a slower pace than regular season games and a lot of focus is put on defense and half-court offense. At some point during the playoffs, a team is going to slow the game down and defend their jumpers very well. At that point OKC will be forced to manufacture points in the paint. Don’t get me wrong, Kendrick Perkins and Serge Ibaka are both very effective in their roles. Ibaka is the help side post defender and Perkins is the designated poster boy (shoutout to Blake Griffin). However their post games are about as developed as Waka Flaka Flame’s lyrical skills. The bottom line is that it’s hard to win a championship shooting jumpers; whether OKC can do it remains to be seen.

Indiana Pacers: The Pacers have a nice collection of talent. They are good at all five positions, but aren’t great anywhere on the floor. They are a very well coached team that gives maximum effort. However, you need a superstar to win in the playoffs, and they simply don’t have one.Paul George, Danny Grainger, and David West are all very good players. However, after they sweep the Howard-less Magic in the first round, they will be matched up against Wade, Bosh, and James. That’s where their lack of superior individual talent will become evident. It’s been a nice season but they simply don’t have the alpha male needed to win big in the playoffs.

LA Lakers: The Lakers have two concerns entering the playoffs. Kobe Bryant’s health and Mike Brown’s offensive playbook. We don’t know if Kobe is healthy, but even if he isn’t we all know that he will play well. Now to Brown, whose offensive playbook is about as thick as the “Clifford the Big Red Dog” books that I used to enjoy as a kid. Come to think of it, it’s so simpe that I wouldn’t be surprised if it was illustrated by the same person. For those of you that haven’t been paying attention, Mike Brown is the guy who coached Cleveland and called “LeBron top of the key isolation” about 937 consecutive times in a playoff series. I’m sure Kobe can’t wait to play the LeBron position on that play. If that happens, the Lakers will have the opportunity to watch the more innovative offenses in the league advance in the playoffs from the comfort of their homes.

Boston Celtics: This season Doc Rivers has proven that he can flat out coach his a$$ off. He has somehow turned this oft-injured team of senior citizens into legitimate championship contenders. As a matter of fact, the C’s are peaking at the right time. They have the best record in the entire NBA since the All-star break. The way the playoffs are setting up they will face Chicago in the second round instead of Miami. That is, if they get past the Hawks. Rajon Rondo is by far their best player, and the best point guard in the entire league. Moving Ray Allen to the sixth man role and Kevin Garnett to center have also proved to be brilliant moves. However, they are still OLD and lack a consistent clutch playoff scorer outside of the biggest crybaby in the NBA (Paul Pierce). Ray Allen’s health is also a bit of a concern. In order to win the title this year, Allen has to be completely healthy and on his game. Can the Celtics defy their age and make another title run? Yes! That is, if they can stay healthy.

Memphis Grizzlies: This team’s post-season chances will be determined by team chemistry. Zach Randolph returned from injury late in the season and Gilbert Arenas was a late season acquisition. If they can blend into a team that was good without them, they will definitely play a big part in taking the Grizzlies to the next level. This is a really good team that is good enough to win the West, provided that they prove to be alchemists and their chemistry experiment turns to gold instead of spontaneously combusting.

Atlanta Hawks: For my money, Jeff Teague should win the Most Improved Player award this season. He has developed into a mid-level starting point guard and he is still getting better. He even has an outside chance of developing into an All-star one day. Josh Smith has played like a man possessed this season. Truthfully, the team really hasn’t missed Al Horford at all, at least in the regular season. But now the playoffs start, where half court basketball and post-play is at a premium. The Hawks will definitely miss Horford if he is unable to play in the playoffs. The Hawks are a good team, but they have too many flaws to be a serious contender. Like LeBron James, Joe Johnson runs and hides when he has to make important plays on the big stage. The get-along gang that have been used at center (Zaza Pachulia, Jason Collins, and Eric Dampier) in Horford’s absence simply aren’t good enough. Then there’s the bench. When Teague, Johnson, and Smith need a breather they will be replaced with the likes of Jerry Stackhouse, Willie Green, Tracy McGrady, and Jannero Pargo. Need I say more?

Los Angeles Clippers: The loss of Chauncey Billups really hurt the Clippers. However, this is still a very good team. Chris Paul is almost as good as it gets at the point. Then there’s Blake Griffin, aka Kendrick Perkins Sr. (Yes I’m calling him Kendrick’s daddy). This is a young athletic team that is going to be a problem in the playoffs. However they have two glaring holes. Their bench is less than spectacular, and they are a REALLY BAD free throw shooting team. As a team, they only make 68% of their free throws. Their inside duo of Blake Griffin & DeAndre Jordan are each shooting 52% from the foul line. At this point, Shaq could probably help them improve their free throws. As I mentioned earlier, in the playoffs, the game slows down and teams generally don’t allow easy dunks and layups. This means that Griffin and Jordan will probably be attempting quite a few foul shots. Therefore, Habitat for Humanity should have someone at the games to catch all of their bricks and put them to good use by building homes for deserving families.

New York Knicks: It feels like this team has played three different seasons in this short 66 game schedule. First there was the season in which they sucked, then there was the season of “Linsanity,” and they just finished the Carmelo Anthony is an unstoppable offensive force season. Mike D’Antoni has been replaced by Mike Woodson; under Woodson they have played a lot better and would be a real threat in the playoffs if they didn’t have to open with Miami. Entering the playoffs, the Knicks have one glaring hole that will be exploited by any team that they face. They will start either Baron Davis or Mike Bibby at point guard. These guys have taken robbery to a whole new level. These are two players who have no business still being in the NBA. They are both offensive and defensive liabilities primarily due to health and laziness in Davis’ case and age in the case of Bibby. My only question is, “Do they show up in a mask and gloves to pick up their paychecks?” Since they have stolen a couple of million dollars hanging out with the team and contributing virtually nothing during the regular season, conventional wisdom would say that they feel obligated to repay the Knicks with great playoff performances. But guess what boys and girls, sense is not common and wisdom is not conventional. Bibby and Davis will give the team nothing and Miami will give them a quick exit. That being said, the LeBron-Carmelo matchup is sure to be a good one (remember LeBron doesn’t morph into Marvin Williams until they get deeper into the playoffs). 

Denver Nuggets: The Nuggets are the very definition of a team. The sum of their parts is much better than their individual pieces. They may even give the Lakers a run for their money in the opening round, especially if Kobe isn’t completely healthy and Bynum decides to shoot threes. They will be fun to watch and are a team that is easy to root for. However, like the Pacers, they lack the superstar that is necessary to win big games in the playoffs. When the game is on the line, they need a guy to step up and make the big play. Unfortunately, that player isn’t on their roster. So unfortunately, they won’t be winning the title this year. Let’s look at the bright side of things, at least they get to wear their really cool uniforms a little while longer. Things could be worse. They could lose in the playoffs and dress like the expansion Raptors. You remember those jerseys. They’re the ones that had the caricature of Chris Bosh on them (during the Vince Carter era).

Dallas Mavericks: What a difference a year makes. The defending champions blazed through the regular season last year, and they are simply using it to prepare for the playoffs this year. I’ve got bad news for the Mavericks and their fans. Last year you were experienced but this year you are just OLD. Yes, the Spurs and Celtics are also old. But they have youth at key positions that will allow them to compete. The Mavericks on the other hand are a year older everywhere. The Mavericks will open the playoffs against the Thunder and I’m guessing that Russell Westbrook will run Jason Kidd directly into retirement.

The bottom line is that no NBA team is perfect. Entering the playoffs, they all have flaws. The key to success is the ability to hide your flaws while exploiting those of your opponents. Sixteen teams are entering the playoffs. Three of them have absolutely no shot. They may as well go chill out and watch the games with Metta World Peace (since he has some time on his hands). The other thirteen will fight like hell for that gold trophy. In the end, the Thunder, Grizzlies, Heat, and Celtics will probably be left fighting for the right to go to the NBA Finals. Like all of the other teams, they have flaws, but I feel as though they will be able to mask them well enough to make it to the conference finals.

No matter who you root for, you will surely want to tune in and enjoy these playoffs. For a basketball fan, this is truly the best time of the year. March Madness is alright, and the NBA regular season provides lots of entertainment. But for a person who loves watching basketball played at its highest level, the NBA playoffs are heaven on earth. Will LeBron finally get his first ring? Will the pride and heart of the Celtics will them to another title? Will Joe Johnson finally live up to his contract? Will Carmelo Anthony carry the Knicks to places that no one could imagine? Will Amare Stodamire’s hair suddenly get long enough to justify having braids? We may not know the answer to these questions now, but we will by the end of the playoffs. LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

And now for my Baller & Scrub of the Week!

Baller: The Minnesota Vikings – Somehow the Vikings convinced the idiots that run the

Cleveland Browns to give them a 4^th, 5^th, and 7^th round pick to move up from the fourth spot to the third spot so that they could draft Trent Richardson. Don’t get me wrong, Richardson was a GREAT college player, and will probably be a GREAT NFL running back. He is by far the best back to enter the league since Adrian Peterson. But to give away three picks to move up one spot to take a player that there was a 0% chance of the team ahead of you taking is flat out STUPID! The Vikings somehow had convinced the Browns that another team was trying to move up into their spot to get Richardson. I seriously doubt that another team was willing to pay to get into the top three to draft a running back, but the Browns believed it. All in all it worked out for everyone. The Browns got the player that they coveted all along and the Vikings had a good laugh in their draft war room at the Browns’ expense.

Scrub: Michael Jordan – I know that it may seem blasphemous to some to call Michael Jordan a SCRUB, but I don’t care. I’m calling a spade a spade. AS AN OWNER MICHAEL JORDAN IS A SCRUB! I’m not going to go into detail about all of the moronic moves that he has made as the owner of the Bobcats (i.e. using a 1^st round draft pick on Adam Morrison) because that would make this already long entry about four pages longer. However, let’s just say that either he doesn’t care or he is incredibly stupid when it comes to making basketball decisions that don’t involve determining his next move while running the triangle offense. The Bobcats are bad, I’m sorry, that’s an understatement. THE BOBCATS ARE HISTORICALLY BAD! (that seems about right). The 2011-2012 Charlotte Bobcats are officially the worst team in NBA history, and they are led by the best player in NBA history. Go Figure! I understand that Jordan isn’t Jerry West or Pat Riley when it comes to making personnel decisions. I could live with the Bobcats not being an elite team, but the WORST EVER?! What happened to Jordan’s competitive fire? There was a time when Michael Jordan would trip up his mother to ensure that he won a race, but now he is simply content to fail. This is unlike Jordan. He is the man that made the NBA what it is today. He is the man that won 6 NBA Championships, 6 NBA Finals MVP’s, and 5 NBA MVP awards. He is also the only person that can force kids to skip school and adults to skip work to buy $200 basketball shoes. He has been successful at everything that he’s done (except hitting a curveball) prior to entering the management side of basketball. What is disturbing is that Jordan actually believes that he is doing a good job, and is committed to the plan that he has in place.

I hate to speak out of turn here, I mean I am just an engineer that enjoys writing about sports in his spare time. I am aware of the fact that Jordan has probably forgotten more about the game of basketball than I may ever actually know about the game of basketball. I get that, but I feel as though I must break the news to him, since no one else will. MIKE, YOUR PLAN IS NOT WORKING! IT’S TIME TO SCRAP IT AND TRY A DIFFERENT ONE! The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing while expecting different results. I hope Jordan realizes that if he sticks to whatever plan he is currently operating under, that he will officially be considered insane.

If someone told me that I had to either have Gucci Mane perform at my next birthday party or have Michael Jordan own and operate my favorite NBA team, I would honestly ride with Gucci. That’s right, Gucci Mane is a better rapper than Michael Jordan is an owner. That pretty much sums up why I am calling Michael Jordan a SCRUB!




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GOLF IS A TEAM SPORT

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“Who ya got, Tiger or the field?” Believe it or not, this was once a legitimate question to ask going into a golf tournament. Between 1999 and 2009, Tiger was in the prime of his career, and at his best Tiger Woods was Michael Jordan playing on a tour full of Craig Ehlo’s. He had one goal, which was to win every time he stepped foot on the course. Woods was the best thing to happen to golf since the cart was invented. He drew television viewers in numbers never seen before, and his opponents would much rather play “throw-up tackle” with James Harrison then be in the same group as him on a Sunday. Tiger had no equal on the tour and we all knew that he was well on his way to breaking Sam Snead’s record for career PGA Tour wins (82), and also surpassing the 18 majors won by the legendary Jack Nicklaus. In his prime, seeing Tiger Woods in red meant that he was coming to put the finishing touches on yet another victory. Bur now, seeing Tiger in red simply means that his favorite rapper is The Game, or that he roots for the Kansas City Chiefs. My how things have changed.

From 1996 to 2002 Tiger was a person with one singular focus. He ate, slept, and lived golf. Then in 2003, Woods discovered that there was more to life than golf, and decided to get married. Now he would not only be seen as the best golfer in the game, but also a family man. On the surface, it seemed as though he had it all. Little did we know that behind the scenes he REALLY had it all (more on that in a minute). When Tiger decided to get married, many sports fans and talking heads on television wondered aloud if this would hurt his golf game. He had become this great champion with tunnel vision and now there would inevitably be distractions. (Don’t you just love how the fans and the media can decide that athletes shouldn’t have families because it may affect their ability to entertain us?) As it turns out, getting married and having children didn’t hurt Tiger’s game one bit. It was divorce that led to the Tiger Woods who we see today, you know the one that plays like Happy Gilmore.

Tiger is a rare athlete. Most athletes need to completely focus on their craft to reach their maximum level of performance. When boxers approach a fight, their training intensifies and they swear off all distractions, most notably sex. When NBA players are in a playoff series, they are completely focused on the task at hand. This is the one time in the season when the groupies may as well stay home. The fewer the distractions the better. NFL teams when playing in the Super Bowl have strict curfews in the final days leading up to the game to ensure complete focus (Eugene Robinson decided have a little fun and all Falcons fans know how that turned out). Tiger, on the other hand seemed to be at his best when he had female distractions all over the country. In lieu of the fact that his marriage ended due to extramarital affairs (with more women than I would ever think a corny dude like Woods could ever handle at one time), I think it’s safe to assume that he had quite a few women on his “team” before he decided to get married. He was a beast on the course when these “distractions” were in his life. Marriage only made him play better, because now he had the excitement of keeping his “main girl” a.k.a star player/wife happy while juggling all of his bench players. I just hope he didn’t have his wife’s cell number in his cell phone as “Main Girl”. Then sometime around Thanksgiving of 2009, Mrs. Woods realized that Tiger thought that golf was a team sport; judging by his team of women on the side. We all know what happened next, and his marriage ended soon after. During the time when he was trying to save his money, sorry I mean marriage, Tiger cut everyone from the team. Then his wife left him anyway. Now Tiger has no star player and no bench players either. You would think that his golf game would flourish because he had all the time in the world to practice. Yet, inexplicably, it has become average at best.

Every time Tiger hits the fairway with a drive or finishes in the top 10 at some “off-brand” tournament sponsored by some cookie company, the lead story on SportsCenter is, “Is Tiger Back?” The answer is a resounding NO! This may sound bad, but Tiger needs some “distractions” in high heels in his life. Since Tiger is now single, he should go out and hold tryouts for a new team. Maybe this will help him get his mojo back.

There is possibly another factor that has contributed to the decline in Tiger’s game besides a correlating relationship with the amount of numbers in his iPhone. Anthony Galea, a doctor that several elite athletes including Tiger Woods have been linked to, has been investigated for allegedly providing performance enhancing drugs to athletes. I am not a scientist, attorney, or a judge, so I really can’t tell you if Galea actually distributed performance enhancing drugs to Woods or anyone else. However, I do know that Tiger’s body has begun to break down. Particularly the knees. FYI, Barry Bonds also had serious knee problems. This same doctor has also been linked to Alex Rodriguez as well. I’m not connecting the dots, just letting you know that you are staring at a page full of dots.

The chances of Tiger returning to dominance are about as good as the chances that Outkast will drop another album. Face it Tiger fans, IT’S OVER! There was a time when Tiger was the bully on the PGA block. When golfers fortunate enough to be ahead of him on the leader board saw him creeping up on them, they would tuck their chains like Debo was coming. Now, they simply wait for him and go toe to toe with him. Unfortunately for him, lately they have been winning. Tiger has proven that contrary to popular belief, golfers do need a team to be successful. Without his starting lineup and bench, Tiger simply isn’t Tiger. He’s more like  Sergio Garcia.

And now for my Baller & Scrub of the Week….

BALLER – John Calipari & MY KENTUCKY WILDCATS: You had to know this was coming. I am a huge Kentucky fan, and I have enjoyed this college basketball season more than any since 1998 (coincidently the last time that UK won the title prior to this year). This year’s Wildcats were by far the best team in college basketball. It has taken every fiber of my being not to write about them all season long. I simply wanted to enjoy and savor what I knew would be a special season. Congrats to the Cats and I can’t wait for next season when the next crop of legally and fairly recruited studs arrive on campus.

SCRUB – BOBBY PETRINO: For someone who loves to write about and commentate on sports as much as I do, Bobby Petrino is the gift that keeps on giving. Bobby Petrino embodies the phrase “character issues.” While at Louisville he took a late night flight to Auburn with a group of boosters that were determined to get rid of then coach Tommy Tuberville and replace him with Petrino. Their attempt to relieve Tuberville of his duties was unsuccessful, and Petrino looked like an idiot for trying to take another coach’s job while he was still in the position. This was a really bad move by Petrino because not only was he basically spitting in the face of Louisville, but he was also trying to take the job of his former boss. That’s not all. For those of you reading this that don't reside in Atlanta or follow the Falcons, this is the guy that quit on the team DURING THE SEASON to take the Arkansas job. Needless to say, no one should feel sorry for the athletic director at Arkansas. He knew who he was hiring and the type of character that he is. As the old saying goes, “When you lay down with dogs, you get fleas.”

With that in mind, can the good people at Arkansas really be surprised that Petrino was cruising around on a motorcycle with a 25 year old woman riding on the back? This is where his arrogance shows, if Petrino was cruising around in a SUV with tinted windows, he could have possibly gotten away with the affair. However, a Tahoe with dark windows doesn’t show off the fact that you are a 51 year old man who could pull a 25 year old girl. Obviously she’s with him for his warm heart and personality and not his money. If he made $30,000 per year and not $3,000,000, I’m sure he could still get her. Petrino decided that he should ride around with his girlfriend without a helmet to make sure that everyone sees him. He obviously doesn’t care about his wife or her feelings. Bobby Petrino is without a doubt the most famous person in the state of Arkansas whose last name is not Clinton or Walton. Not only do the people know him, but I can guarantee that most Arkansas fans can pick out his wife and children out of a line-up. There was a 100% chance that he would be recognized while on his joy ride, and he simply didn’t care.

Cheating on your wife is wrong, but that is an issue between Bobby and Mrs. Petrino. The real problem here is that he was so arrogant about his affair that he hired his mistress to work in the football department and paid her a $50,000+ salary. So not only is he a liar and a cheater, he is also a person who utilizes state funds to ensure that his girlfriend is only a few feet away from him. Yeah, that was a good one that wasn’t going to eventually back fire. I’m glad he thought that move all the way through. I’m sure that if he ever broke off the relationship, she wouldn’t make sexual harassment charges against him and the University. Good thing for Petrino that things like that never happen.

This wise decision has costs Petrino his $3,000,000 per year job. Like so many men before him and the many that will surely come after him, sex has been his undoing. Apparently going 21-5 over the last two seasons in the toughest division in college football doesn’t get you a free pass on lying to your boss, and having an affair with a woman that you hired to make your affair more convenient.

Trust me, we have not heard the last of Bobby Petrino. First of all, he is an excellent college football coach that will get another job in the near future. Secondly, as I stated earlier, he is the gift that keeps on giving, and I’m pretty sure he will be giving us something new to talk and blog about very soon.

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