WANTED: FOR UN-ARMED ROBBERY

Does Mike Hampton wear a black ski mask and gloves on the 1st and 15th of each month when he goes to pick up his paycheck? If not, he should. There should be FBI “Wanted” posters in Post Offices across America with his picture on them. I’m no snitch, but if there is a reward I will be quick to call the FBI and tell them that they can find him either in the training room at Turner Field or at Taco Mac (the wings are great, he get’s free beer as a member of their Passport Beer Club, and there are dozens of HD televisions on which he can watch another baseball season pass him by). You may be wondering, “How does he know where to find Mike Hampton?” It’s easy, HE HASN’T LEFT THE TRAINING ROOM SINCE 2005!!!! Mike Hampton has been a Brave since 2003. Over this time he has made over $68,000,000. He is also due to make $15,000,000 in 2008. That's a lot of STRAIGHT CASH HOMEY!!!! Let’s take a look at what the Braves got for their $68 million dollars:

72 Starts (only 12 starts in 2005)

431.2 Innings Pitched

32 wins

224 Strikeouts

An average ERA of 3.88

2 FULL SEASONS WITH NO STARTS (2006 & 2007)

Over the same time period and for about $28 million dollars, the Twins got the following production from Johan Santana:

152 starts

1069.5 Innings Pitched

82 wins

1152 Strikeouts

An average ERA of 2.93
Now that's getting your money’s worth.

Every year the baseball analysts say that the Braves could win the division especially if they get anything from Mike Hampton. Everyone at Turner Field was excited on April 3rd when Hampton was scheduled to start against the Pittsburgh Pirates. As Hampton began warming up in the Bullpen, it happened again. HE WAS INJURED WHILE WARMING UP!!!! He is currently on the 15-day DL, and who knows when or if he will pitch again.
Trading for Mike Hampton has by far been the worst player acquisition in the history of Atlanta sports. Now that is quite a distinction, especially when you consider that franchises in this city have signed John Koncak to a huge contract (while a 6 year $13 million contract doesn’t seem like much in today’s world, he was making more money than Michael Jordan & Magic Johnson at the time). The Hawks also TRADED DOMINIQUE WILKINS FOR DANNY MANNING. Sadly I have to add one more acquisition to the list of bad decisions, the Falcons in a sense traded Ladainian Tomlinson for Michael Vick. Even with all of these moves being considered, Mike Hampton takes the cake. Maybe he will come back healthy and be a great pitcher then re-sign with the Braves for the minimum (as restitution for all of the money that he has stolen). But don’t count on it. At this rate, Mike Hampton will go down as one of the greatest thieves of all time. Those Enron guys have nothing on Mike Hampton.