GOLF IS A TEAM SPORT

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“Who ya got, Tiger or the field?” Believe it or not, this was once a legitimate question to ask going into a golf tournament. Between 1999 and 2009, Tiger was in the prime of his career, and at his best Tiger Woods was Michael Jordan playing on a tour full of Craig Ehlo’s. He had one goal, which was to win every time he stepped foot on the course. Woods was the best thing to happen to golf since the cart was invented. He drew television viewers in numbers never seen before, and his opponents would much rather play “throw-up tackle” with James Harrison then be in the same group as him on a Sunday. Tiger had no equal on the tour and we all knew that he was well on his way to breaking Sam Snead’s record for career PGA Tour wins (82), and also surpassing the 18 majors won by the legendary Jack Nicklaus. In his prime, seeing Tiger Woods in red meant that he was coming to put the finishing touches on yet another victory. Bur now, seeing Tiger in red simply means that his favorite rapper is The Game, or that he roots for the Kansas City Chiefs. My how things have changed.

From 1996 to 2002 Tiger was a person with one singular focus. He ate, slept, and lived golf. Then in 2003, Woods discovered that there was more to life than golf, and decided to get married. Now he would not only be seen as the best golfer in the game, but also a family man. On the surface, it seemed as though he had it all. Little did we know that behind the scenes he REALLY had it all (more on that in a minute). When Tiger decided to get married, many sports fans and talking heads on television wondered aloud if this would hurt his golf game. He had become this great champion with tunnel vision and now there would inevitably be distractions. (Don’t you just love how the fans and the media can decide that athletes shouldn’t have families because it may affect their ability to entertain us?) As it turns out, getting married and having children didn’t hurt Tiger’s game one bit. It was divorce that led to the Tiger Woods who we see today, you know the one that plays like Happy Gilmore.

Tiger is a rare athlete. Most athletes need to completely focus on their craft to reach their maximum level of performance. When boxers approach a fight, their training intensifies and they swear off all distractions, most notably sex. When NBA players are in a playoff series, they are completely focused on the task at hand. This is the one time in the season when the groupies may as well stay home. The fewer the distractions the better. NFL teams when playing in the Super Bowl have strict curfews in the final days leading up to the game to ensure complete focus (Eugene Robinson decided have a little fun and all Falcons fans know how that turned out). Tiger, on the other hand seemed to be at his best when he had female distractions all over the country. In lieu of the fact that his marriage ended due to extramarital affairs (with more women than I would ever think a corny dude like Woods could ever handle at one time), I think it’s safe to assume that he had quite a few women on his “team” before he decided to get married. He was a beast on the course when these “distractions” were in his life. Marriage only made him play better, because now he had the excitement of keeping his “main girl” a.k.a star player/wife happy while juggling all of his bench players. I just hope he didn’t have his wife’s cell number in his cell phone as “Main Girl”. Then sometime around Thanksgiving of 2009, Mrs. Woods realized that Tiger thought that golf was a team sport; judging by his team of women on the side. We all know what happened next, and his marriage ended soon after. During the time when he was trying to save his money, sorry I mean marriage, Tiger cut everyone from the team. Then his wife left him anyway. Now Tiger has no star player and no bench players either. You would think that his golf game would flourish because he had all the time in the world to practice. Yet, inexplicably, it has become average at best.

Every time Tiger hits the fairway with a drive or finishes in the top 10 at some “off-brand” tournament sponsored by some cookie company, the lead story on SportsCenter is, “Is Tiger Back?” The answer is a resounding NO! This may sound bad, but Tiger needs some “distractions” in high heels in his life. Since Tiger is now single, he should go out and hold tryouts for a new team. Maybe this will help him get his mojo back.

There is possibly another factor that has contributed to the decline in Tiger’s game besides a correlating relationship with the amount of numbers in his iPhone. Anthony Galea, a doctor that several elite athletes including Tiger Woods have been linked to, has been investigated for allegedly providing performance enhancing drugs to athletes. I am not a scientist, attorney, or a judge, so I really can’t tell you if Galea actually distributed performance enhancing drugs to Woods or anyone else. However, I do know that Tiger’s body has begun to break down. Particularly the knees. FYI, Barry Bonds also had serious knee problems. This same doctor has also been linked to Alex Rodriguez as well. I’m not connecting the dots, just letting you know that you are staring at a page full of dots.

The chances of Tiger returning to dominance are about as good as the chances that Outkast will drop another album. Face it Tiger fans, IT’S OVER! There was a time when Tiger was the bully on the PGA block. When golfers fortunate enough to be ahead of him on the leader board saw him creeping up on them, they would tuck their chains like Debo was coming. Now, they simply wait for him and go toe to toe with him. Unfortunately for him, lately they have been winning. Tiger has proven that contrary to popular belief, golfers do need a team to be successful. Without his starting lineup and bench, Tiger simply isn’t Tiger. He’s more like  Sergio Garcia.

And now for my Baller & Scrub of the Week….

BALLER – John Calipari & MY KENTUCKY WILDCATS: You had to know this was coming. I am a huge Kentucky fan, and I have enjoyed this college basketball season more than any since 1998 (coincidently the last time that UK won the title prior to this year). This year’s Wildcats were by far the best team in college basketball. It has taken every fiber of my being not to write about them all season long. I simply wanted to enjoy and savor what I knew would be a special season. Congrats to the Cats and I can’t wait for next season when the next crop of legally and fairly recruited studs arrive on campus.

SCRUB – BOBBY PETRINO: For someone who loves to write about and commentate on sports as much as I do, Bobby Petrino is the gift that keeps on giving. Bobby Petrino embodies the phrase “character issues.” While at Louisville he took a late night flight to Auburn with a group of boosters that were determined to get rid of then coach Tommy Tuberville and replace him with Petrino. Their attempt to relieve Tuberville of his duties was unsuccessful, and Petrino looked like an idiot for trying to take another coach’s job while he was still in the position. This was a really bad move by Petrino because not only was he basically spitting in the face of Louisville, but he was also trying to take the job of his former boss. That’s not all. For those of you reading this that don't reside in Atlanta or follow the Falcons, this is the guy that quit on the team DURING THE SEASON to take the Arkansas job. Needless to say, no one should feel sorry for the athletic director at Arkansas. He knew who he was hiring and the type of character that he is. As the old saying goes, “When you lay down with dogs, you get fleas.”

With that in mind, can the good people at Arkansas really be surprised that Petrino was cruising around on a motorcycle with a 25 year old woman riding on the back? This is where his arrogance shows, if Petrino was cruising around in a SUV with tinted windows, he could have possibly gotten away with the affair. However, a Tahoe with dark windows doesn’t show off the fact that you are a 51 year old man who could pull a 25 year old girl. Obviously she’s with him for his warm heart and personality and not his money. If he made $30,000 per year and not $3,000,000, I’m sure he could still get her. Petrino decided that he should ride around with his girlfriend without a helmet to make sure that everyone sees him. He obviously doesn’t care about his wife or her feelings. Bobby Petrino is without a doubt the most famous person in the state of Arkansas whose last name is not Clinton or Walton. Not only do the people know him, but I can guarantee that most Arkansas fans can pick out his wife and children out of a line-up. There was a 100% chance that he would be recognized while on his joy ride, and he simply didn’t care.

Cheating on your wife is wrong, but that is an issue between Bobby and Mrs. Petrino. The real problem here is that he was so arrogant about his affair that he hired his mistress to work in the football department and paid her a $50,000+ salary. So not only is he a liar and a cheater, he is also a person who utilizes state funds to ensure that his girlfriend is only a few feet away from him. Yeah, that was a good one that wasn’t going to eventually back fire. I’m glad he thought that move all the way through. I’m sure that if he ever broke off the relationship, she wouldn’t make sexual harassment charges against him and the University. Good thing for Petrino that things like that never happen.

This wise decision has costs Petrino his $3,000,000 per year job. Like so many men before him and the many that will surely come after him, sex has been his undoing. Apparently going 21-5 over the last two seasons in the toughest division in college football doesn’t get you a free pass on lying to your boss, and having an affair with a woman that you hired to make your affair more convenient.

Trust me, we have not heard the last of Bobby Petrino. First of all, he is an excellent college football coach that will get another job in the near future. Secondly, as I stated earlier, he is the gift that keeps on giving, and I’m pretty sure he will be giving us something new to talk and blog about very soon.

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