THE ANTI-ALL-STAR TEAM

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This past weekend Orlando, Florida was the center of the basketball universe. It hosted the NBA’s annual All-Star weekend. This means that all of the top players in the NBA were there, along with the top NBA groupies, a plethora of celebrities, and everyday people that traveled there with hopes of spending too much money to get into the club and “party” with stars. I am a huge fan of the NBA All-Star game. Once a year we get to see the best the league has to offer (except for Josh Smith) on one court. The game is always highly entertaining for 3 quarters, and intensely competitive for the final quarter. It is by-far the best all-star game in sports. In addition to the actual game, I also enjoy seeing what the shoe companies will have their live billboards wearing on the court. Only in the All-Star game will players wear mismatched shoes (Tracy McGrady started it and high school and college kids immediately followed suit), or awesome shoes in colorway’s that don’t remotely match the uniform. It is truly an awesome event that deserves all of the pomp and circumstance that it currently receives.


The number of All-Star appearances on your resume is a badge of honor for NBA players. It is an acknowledgement that you were one of the best or most popular players (fan voting) in the league for any given year. All-Star players are celebrated by basketball fans, the media, as well as their peers. They are usually the players that receive the endorsement deals, shoe contracts, and guest appearances on television shows and in movies. They are shouted out in rap songs, and practically own the towns in which they play. This is the glamorous NBA life that kids grow up dreaming about. However, this is not the NBA life that everyone gets to experience. NBA teams are allowed to carry 15 players and have 12 in uniform for games. Five of those players start the game, and are generally considered to be the best players on their team at their given positions. Most teams have three bench players that contribute heavy minutes. The remaining players are who we consider to be the “scrubs”. They generally don’t play unless a regular rotation player is out of action due to an injury, suspension, etc. This means there is a generally accepted belief among basketball fans that about seven players on each roster (with some exceptions of course) are not very good players and could be easily replaced.


Let’s pause for a brief PSA:


Before I proceed, I want to be clear about one fact. Every player on an NBA roster is a great basketball player (with the exception of Mario West who is thankfully no longer taking up space for the Atlanta Hawks). They would be the first player picked and the most dominant player on the court at any recreation or fitness center in the world. However, when comparing NBA players to other NBA players, some of them are TERRIBLE! This is the perspective that I am using in this blog. These guys may be good basketball players, but they fall short of the mark of a good NBA player.


O.K, now back to the regularly scheduled blog already in progress.
There are many bench players in the NBA that are walking-talking punch lines for fans, the media, and other players. Note to NBA players: Here are some signs to look for to see if you fit into the “walking-talking punch-line” category:


-You only get into the game in the fourth quarter when your team is up or down by 25+ points.


-The fans chant your name as a sign to the coach to put you into the game (again, only when the game is already been decided).


-Your teammates jump up and down, cheer, and wave towels around their heads like a helicopter (shout-out to Petey Pablo) whenever you score.


In other words, watch a Chicago Bulls blowout and see the treatment that Brian Scalabrine receives. If your experience is similar to his, YOU ARE A SCRUB!


These players are easy targets for ridicule, so I will not waste any time discussing how they are basically stealing money, or how they are so lucky to wear NBA licensed warm-up suits for a living. However, I do want to discuss another group of NBA players. They are what I would like to call the Anti-All-Stars. These are the players that start for their respective teams, which would lead us to believe that they are good NBA players. 
However, the truth of the matter is that they suck! They really make you wonder just how bad their back-up is. (Please note that this list is based strictly on current ability. It has nothing to do with previous performances, or a players potential.) These players aren’t celebrated like their all-star teammates (and they shouldn’t be), but I am going to give them some attention anyway (which I’m sure that they don’t want).


I now present to you, the 2012 NBA Anti-All-Star Team (cue the applause):

Point Guard – Derrick Fisher: Fisher is a victim of evolution. He came into the league when a point guard’s job was to bring the ball up court, get the team organized, space the floor, and hit open jumpers when the center was double-teamed. Unfortunately for the old and slow Fisher things have changed over the last 15 years and a lot more is expected of today’s point guards. First and foremost, they are no longer depended on to space the floor, they are now responsible for getting into the paint and finishing or finding finishers and shooters. Not to mention the fact that these younger guys are freakishly athletic. I think it’s safe to say that point guards in 1996 didn’t have the speed or agility of Rajon Rondo, Derrick Rose, or Russell Westbrook, all of whom have given the aforementioned Fisher recurring nightmares. Even the more conventional guards of today, such as Chris Paul and Deron Williams are simply stronger and too skilled for Fisher to even hope to contain them. Therefore, Fisher is to the Laker’s the very definition of a defensive liability, and on the offensive end, he is only good for 5.5 points and 3.4 assists per game. I guess he is still the starter because there really isn’t a better option behind him. His backup, Steve Blake isn’t exactly tearing it up with his season averages of 6.8 points and 3.0 assists per game. Although Fisher has had a better career than he could have ever dreamed of, it is safe to say that he is no longer a starting point guard for a contender. As of right now, the Lakers are not serious contenders so I guess Fisher isn’t exactly holding them back. However the addition of a legitimate starting point guard like say Rajon Rondo in a trade, could easily change the outlook for a team like the Lakers.


Shooting Guard – Thabo Sefolosha: I don’t know how in the world he is still in the Thunder’s starting lineup when James Harden plays behind him. Sefolosha is nothing more than a token starter. That being said, I really don’t understand the point of a token starter in the NBA. Thabo only plays 20 minutes per game, while Harden plays nearly 32. The token starter contributes only five points to the scoreboard on a nightly basis, while you can pencil Harden in for nearly 17. The feeling in Oklahoma City is that Sefolosha is a defensive stopper, which is why he is in the starting lineup. On that I’m calling BS! In today’s NBA, calling a player a defensive stopper is just a polite way of saying that he contributes nothing on offense. The last true defensive stoppers in the league were Bruce Bowen, Ron Artest (when he was actually Ron Artest), Dikembe Mutombo, Ben Wallace, and Dennis Rodman when they were all in their prime years. Sefolosha isn’t 1/8th of the defender that they were. These players gave opposing players fits and made opposing coaches alter their game plans. I haven’t heard one star perimeter player talk about how Sefolosha makes it difficult for them to attack, as a matter of fact, I’m sure that opposing coaches are glad that Sefolosha is keeping the Thunder point total down by keeping Harden off of the court. The Thunder are really helping their opponents out by bringing Harden off the bench. Benching their “defensive stopper” who doesn’t stop anyone and putting Harden in the starting lineup will give them the most complete starting five since the ‘’03 Pistons.


Small Forward – Marvin Williams: Marvin Williams was inexplicably drafted before both Chris Paul and Deron Williams. He was drafted on potential, not actual ability or college production. Apparently former Hawks GM Billy Knight was the only person who saw this potential, because no one else saw it before the draft and Marvin has yet to show it since entering the league. Williams averaged a somewhat respectable 14.8 points per game in his third season, but instead of using that season to spring-board his career, he felt that it was too good, and decided to regress. He is now down to a whopping 9 points per game this season (and that’s without Al Horford, so there should be more opportunities for him). To put in perspective just how bad Williams is, the oft-injured, light-years past his prime Tracy McGrady is seeing minutes for the Hawks at the small forward position, when Williams at 25 years old should be entering his prime. The Hawks have been smart enough to keep him off the court in crunch time when the game is on the line. Now they just have to be smart enough to replace him with a capable starting small forward. Knowing the Hawks they will try to trade him to San Antonio for Richard Jefferson, which would be tragic because Williams barely beat out the equally inept Jefferson for this spot. Don’t put it past them, this is the team that passed over Paul and Williams, and (close your eyes if you have a weak stomach) TRADED DOMINIQUE WILKINS FOR DANNY MANNING!


Power Forward – Boris Diaw: When Boris Diaw played for the Hawks, he was honestly the worst player in the NBA. I promise you, I am not exaggerating. This may not be common knowledge because the Hawks were terrible during those years so no one outside of metro-Atlanta was forced to watch them on television. Then he went to Phoenix and became a capable NBA player, proving that Steve Nash can indeed make anyone look better than they actually are. He later moved on to Charlotte, where he has morphed into an over-weight power forward that only contributes 7 points and 4 rebounds per game for the worst team in the league. Boris isn’t a terrible basketball player, in fact he is very skilled, however, at the power forward position his lack of athleticism is a huge liability. After looking like a promising player with the Suns, it is obvious that Diaw doesn’t care anymore and is simply collecting his guaranteed contract, while he continues to ask the equipment manager for bigger uniforms.


Center – Brendan Haywood: Here we have Mr. Haywood, or as I like to call him the “Black Shawn Bradley”. He may not look like Bradley, but his play is about as good as Bradley’s. Brendan Haywood is 7 feet tall and weighs 263 pounds, yet he averages just 5 points per game. In a league that only has three real centers that can actually play (Dwight Howard,Andrew Bynum, & Roy Hibbert), you would think that Haywood would dominate. His teammates should be able to toss him the ball and let him dunk it. He has the size to get any post position that he wants. Now you would think that since he isn’t exactly a scoring machine, Haywood must use that size to dominate the boards and grab every rebound in sight. WRONG! Haywood averages only 6.8 rebounds a game. Kevin Durant (the guy that weighs 103 pounds) averages more. Then you would think, he must be a shot blocking machine. WRONG AGAIN! John Wall (yeah, that John Wall, the point guard) is just as scary a shot blocker as Haywood is. Although Haywood is big and tall, he isn’t very athletic at all. Everything about his movement on the court is awkward and his production is underwhelming. I guess that explains why he is indeed the worst starting center in the NBA.

And now for my Baller & Scrub of the Week….


BALLER – Robert Griffin III: I am a football nerd, so naturally I have been watching the NFL combine. While doing so, I saw Robert Griffin III run a 4.38 40-yard dash. That is absolutely ridiculous, especially when you consider that he is a quarterback. That is the second fasted time by a quarterback in the history of the combine (Vick ran a 4.31). We all know that he will be a threat the moment he touches the field in the NFL. Teams will be preparing for his speed, because of his reputation alone. However, now he has posted a number that will ensure that opposing defensive coaching staffs have lots of sleepless nights before facing him. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that he won’t be getting caught from behind once he gets into the secondary. Oh yeah, he also has a strong arm and is extremely accurate. This is going to be fun to watch!

SCRUB – NBA Slam Dunk Contest: END IT NOW! That is all.


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