ALL I NEED IS ONE STOP

I was tempted to do my quarterback ranking this week, but I decided to wait two more weeks for the Diva to finally decide if she really is going to play this season. Although the rest of the world is sick and tired of him (especially me), I must commend Brett Favre’s self-deprecating sense of humor. (Please see clip below.)




Instead, we will discuss my favorite side of the ball this week. THE DEFENSE!!!!

Eleven guys working together to cause destruction and bodily harm to the offense is the beauty that is defensive football. Everyone knows that I love the NFL, but what I like most about it is the defensive side of the football. The NFL is a marketing machine and they are very good at selling their product to the casual sports fan. They often make rules that will hurt defenses and allow offenses to run freely and score more points. For instance, you can’t touch a receiver more than five yards from the line of scrimmage. That was created to allow receivers to get a nearly free release and get downfield to make big plays. They have also made rules protecting quarterbacks to the point that they cannot be hit above the shoulders, below the knees, in the arm, from behind, while throwing, or while looking for a receiver. In today’s ultra-quarterback friendly NFL, the only way to get a sack is to untie the QB’s shoelaces and hope that he trips.

That being said, the great defenses are still able to bring the pain and wreak havoc all over the football field. They give opposing quarterbacks and coordinators fits and cause many sleepless nights. Can you imagine how whichever scrub starts in Cleveland is going to feel before playing the Steelers and Ravens twice this season? Trust me they will have at least four sleepless Saturday nights this season. A great defense dictates to the offense what they must do. The NFL has some great ones, but there are also some terrible ones. If you are curious to see who fits into each category, scroll down and check out STRAIGHT CASH HOMEY’s!!!! 2009 Defensive Rankings.

#1 Pittsburgh Steelers – Truthfully I have never been a Steelers fan, and for the life of me, I can’t tell you why. I have never held a personal grudge against any of their players (although I did think that Joey Porter was an idiot when he said that he didn’t like playing against Peyton Manning because he forced you think too much). I had a great deal of respect for Bill Cowher, and I am a huge supporter of Omar Epps, I mean Mike Tomlin on the sideline. Yet for some reason, I have never really liked this team. I am also a big fan of three of their current players. The first being the toughest receiver in NFL history, Hines Ward (he’s a favorite, but not a Hall of Famer). The other two play on the side of the ball that I am discussing in this entry. They would be Lawrence Timmons (I am a huge Florida State fan), and the other being none other than the second best safety in the NFL Troy Polamalu. That being said, they are entering the season as my top ranked defense. Casey Hampton leads a very good defensive line. Their linebackers, led by James Harrison are GREAT (as they always are in Steel town). As for the secondary, Ryan Clark & Troy Polamalu are the second best set of safeties in the league (behind Ed Reed and whoever they choose to put beside him in Baltimore), but their corners are far from shut down defenders. Their average corners (Deshea Townsend & William Gay) are the weakest link in this defense. That shouldn’t matter much when the front seven applies so much pressure and you have great safeties covering the back end. To top it all off, they also have a brilliant coach calling the shots. Dick LeBeau might just be the first ever assistant coach elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

#2 Baltimore Ravens – All REAL FOOTBALL FANS should circle November 29th and December 27th on their calendars. On those dates, my #1 & #2 ranked defenses will go head to head, and it will be a blood bath. The Ravens defense has been great for a historically long period of time. General Manager Ozzie Newsome has managed to keep a core group of guys together while sprinkling in the perfect mix of role players. They are led by THE BEST PLAYER IN THE NFL (Safety Ed Reed), Terrell Suggs, and future Hall of Famer Ray Lewis. They are truly the rock of a team that has never really had a consistent offense. I know they lost coordinator Rex Ryan, but I honestly don’t think that will matter one bit. On this team the players make the coach, not the other way around. If you don’t believe me, answer this one question. What do Marvin Lewis, Mike Nolan, Jack Del Rio, Mike Smith, Mike Singletary, and Rex Ryan all have in common? The answer is that they are/were all NFL Head Coaches, who at one time was a defensive coach for the Baltimore Ravens. So, does the coach make the players, or do the players make the coach? The only reason that I have them ranked #2 instead of #1 is because they lost Bart Scott and Jim Leonard. Truthfully they will be great without them, but they will still be missed in crunch time against the Steelers.

#3 Tennessee Titans – Again, not a big fan of the Titans but I must call a spade a spade. This defense is the truth. I know that they lost Albert Haynesworth, and that they don’t have a tackle on their roster nearly as good. But they still have a very good rotation of defensive ends (Jevon Kearse, Kyle Vanden Bosch, and Jacob Ford), and solid tackles. The linebackers are rock solid, but their secondary is filled with BALLERS!!!! Cortland Finnegan, Nick Harper, Chris Hope, and Michael Griffin will make life miserable for opposing quarterbacks and receivers.

#4 Minnesota Vikings – This is easily the best four-man defensive front in football. As a matter of fact, I would like to make a Public Service Announcement to the teams that will play them this season. YOU CAN’T RUN THE FOOTBALL AGAINST THEM, SO DON’T TRY! (They gave up less than 80 rushing yards per game last season.) Any defense that can completely take away one phase of the oppositions offense, will be successful. Also, it is a good idea to avoid third and long situations against them. In case you forgot, Jared Allen is a beast coming off of the edge. The sad thing is that if you slide the protection his way, someone else WILL beat you.

#5 San Diego Chargers – The players on this defense have absolutely jaw-dropping athletic ability. The two outside linebackers (Shawne Merriman & Shaun Phillips) look like they were built in some sort of lab or something. They also have the best 3-4 nose tackle in the game in Jamal Williams. They also have arguably the best athlete in the league at cornerback. I am referring to Antonio Cromartie. Last season Merriman was injured and Antonio Cromartie was a bit banged up both physically and mentally (he played with a broken hip and let’s just say that he was thinking about all of his kids, by all of those women, in all of those different states). They are both back to full strength, so the league had better watch out.

#6 New York Jets – Not only did Rex Ryan go to New York, but he brought two of his star pupils with him. That’s right, the Jets defense will be a force to be reckoned with this season. Kris Jenkins is holding down the middle of the line. They also have the best linebacker in the NFL that no one has heard of. That would be David Harris. If you didn’t recognize the name, I will say it a little slower for you. His name is D-A-V-I-D H-A-R-R-I-S. He is a true baller, and people will realize just how good he is this year. As for the secondary, they will be a lot of fun to watch this year. Darrelle Revis is one his way to becoming a shut-down corner, and he has Lito Sheppard playing opposite him. They also have a great pair of safeties behind them in Jim Leonhard and Kerry Rhodes (Ed Reed Jr.). They will produce a lot of turnovers.

#7 Arizona Cardinals – They have ballers all over the field. They have Darnell Dockett on the defensive line, Karlos Dansby at linebacker, and a secondary that consists of Adrian Wilson, Antrel Rolle, Bryant McFadden, and Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie.

#8 New York Giants – Aaron Ross and Corey Webster are good corners and their linebackers are decent. But those characteristics don’t make a top ten defense. They are in the top ten because of the pass rushers they possess. It truly is an embarrassment of riches. Just imagine facing this foursome on third and long; Justin Tuck, Osi Umenyiora, Chris Canty, and Rocky Bernard. That is only if they are playing straight up. If they decide to blitz you better find blockers for Michael Boley and/or Mathias Kiwanuka. Remember this is the same team that made the Patriots offensive line look like the high school team that Brett Favre works out with. Scientific research has shown that quarterbacks hate pressure, and guess what, they bring a lot of it.

#9 Washington Redskins – This was the best unspectacular defense in the NFL last season. Believe it or not, they were the NFL’s 4th ranked defense last season. That was in spite of having only 13 interceptions and 24 sacks all season. They have added some playmakers to an already solid defense. The biggest addition (both literally and figuratively) is Albert Haynesworth. If he lives up to his contract, the rest of the league is in trouble. They also drafted Brian Orakpo with their first round pick. Trust me, he will be in the running for Rookie of The Year.

#10 Dallas Cowboys – Demarcus Ware = 20 sacks.

#11 Miami Dolphins – If you are calling an offensive play, how do you block both Jason Taylor and the most intellectual player in the NFL (Joey Porter)? Bill Parcells knows the 3-4 defense very well, and it shows by how he built this one so fast. They will have young corners, but the pass rush should help them out a great deal. They also have Gibril Wilson, who is one heck of a safety.

#12 Carolina Panthers – They will go as Julius Pepper goes. Look for him to have a heck of a year this season. He has $16.7 reasons to be a beast this year. On top of that, this is also a contract year. In other words, look for Peppers and the Panthers defense to be very good this season.

#13 Philadelphia Eagles – If this team has safeties that actually belonged in the NFL, they would be much higher on this list. I hope Asante and Sheldon Brown are ready because they will not get any help all season from the back end of the defense. (Please don’t say they will miss Brian Dawkins, because he was just as bad as those other clowns last season.) Too bad Michael Vick doesn’t play safety, because he would surely help.

#14 Indianapolis Colts – They have two great pass rushers, very good linebackers, and good corners. But none of that will mean a thing if Bob Sanders is not healthy. He is the key to everything they do, in defending against the pass as well as the run. So basically they are what Bob allows them to be. I sure hope he stays healthy. Without him, they can’t get to the AFC title game and lose to the Patriots.

#15 Cincinnati Bengals – SURPRISE! Are they higher than you expected? I think that Marvin Lewis & Mike Zimmer have finally gotten this defense right. They will be a fast and hard-hitting defense that will create a lot of turnovers. This team will be a lot better than people think this year, and the defense is a big reason why.

#16 New England Patriots – They have a good defensive scheme, but some of the components are old enough to have voted for Jimmy Carter. They have been getting younger and younger each year, but they aren’t done yet. As long as Teddy Bruschi and Shawne Springs are starters, I just can’t put them in the top ten. That being said they will still be good enough to make enough plays to ensure that the offense carries the team to the Super Bowl.

#17 Chicago Bears – How the mighty have fallen. It’s a good thing that they traded for quarterback Jay Cutler, because their days of controlling the ball on offense and having their defense win games are over. This defense was once great, but now they are average. Tommie Harris is without a doubt the key to this defense. When he is healthy (which is about as often as Steven Jackson is healthy), he absolutely dominates opposing offensive lines. Lance Briggs is still a great player also. Age and injury have caught up with Brian Urlacher, and the rest of the defense just isn’t as good as they once were. They used to be top five, but now they will hover around mediocrity all year. It will be Jay Cutler and Matt Forte that will win games for them, not the defense.

#18 Oakland Raiders – Last year MeAngelo Fall (aka DeAngelo Hall) got a chance to see what a real shutdown corner looks like. NNAMDI ASOMUGHA IS THE BEST CORNER IN THE NFL! If you don’t believe me, watch a Raiders game and watch the opposing quarterback avoid throwing his way the entire game. I haven’t seen respect like this since Champ Bailey was in his prime. Asomugha is so good that, offenses chose to focus on exposing MeAngelo last season. They were successful. MeAngelo was fired midway through the season. They also have two very good linebackers in Kirk Morrison and Thomas Howard. They will be decent this year, especially considering that they added Greg Ellis to play defensive end.

#19 Houston Texans – Is this the year the Texans finally make the playoffs? (I will tell you in a couple of weeks.) If so, their defense will have to play better. They have a superstar in DeMeco Ryans, and a stud at defensive end in Mario Williams (admit it, we were all wrong about him). Dunta Robinson is also a very good corner, but the rest of the defense leaves a lot to be desired. If Houston is going to finally make the playoffs this year, they will have to play above their talent level.

#20 Seattle Seahawks – They drafted Aaron Curry, but lost Julian Peterson, which put them right back where they started. They also lost Rocky Bernard, and you really can’t count on Patrick Kerney or Marcus Trufant to stay healthy all season. They still have some good players and should be competitive in most games. Personally, I hope that they don’t and that Jim Mora has a miserable season. I’m just not a fan.

#21 Green Bay Packers – This defense has too much talent to be as bad as they were a year ago. They were so bad that the team decided not only to switch defensive coordinators, but to also implement an entire new defensive philosophy. Coach Dom Capers has brought his version of the 3-4 of the defense to the land of the Cheeseheads. I hope that they can turn things around in a hurry, because the offense is very good. The back end of the defense will be fine with Charles Woodson, Al Harris, Nick Collins, and Atari Bigby. But the front seven has a lot of work to do.

#22 New Orleans Saints – If this defense could just be average, the Saints would be a Super Bowl contender. Unfortunately they are ranked #22, which means that they are six spots below average. New coordinator Gregg Williams will make a huge difference. They also have some very good players such as Jonathan Vilma, Tracey Porter, Randall Gay, Rod Coleman, and rookie Malcolm Jenkins. However, they still have the most talented, under-performing duo at defensive end in the entire NFL. Will Smith and Charles Grant should be much better than they are. They are also likely to miss four games, which makes matters even worse. While I do expect this defense to be better than they were last year, I still don’t think they will be good enough to be considered average. Believe it or not, it is entirely possible that this team could miss the playoffs again. All because of the defense.

#23 Atlanta Falcons – Are we ready to call Jamal Anderson a bust yet? Just imagine how good this defense would be if he was as good as a slightly below average player. Then offensive lines could focus on John Abraham. If Abraham had any help, he could easily be a twenty sack guy. I must say that I am extremely happy that Keith Brooking, the first down tackling machine, has left the city. He has been replaced by Mike Peterson, which is a definite upgrade. However, the Falcons will struggle because they failed to keep two budding defensive stars on the roster. Although Thomas Demitroff has done nothing that we should second guess up to this point, I often wonder why he allowed Michael Boley and Dominique Foxworth to leave via free agency. They did not exactly break the bank, and the Falcons could afford to match or even surpass both of those contracts. They will regret those decisions. Abraham is the only proven commodity on the defensive line, and let’s face it, he is due for an injury (not wishing it on him, just looking at history). The linebacker group is solid, although they would be great with Boley. There are a lot of questions in the secondary. Is Chris Houston a #1 corner? Is Brett Grimes (feisty as he may be) a #2 corner? Will the safeties be any good? Too many questions to have ranked any higher. Remember, they weren’t exactly the Ravens last year and they lost their second and third best defensive players (Boley & Foxworth). However, they will play hard and not get blown out of too many games.

#24 San Francisco 49ers – They have some good players, but not enough. Mike Singletary will do the best that he can with the talent that he has. Patrick Willis is a stud, but Nate Clements is over-paid and over-rated. Takeo Spikes is just old and not very good anymore.

#25 Buffalo Bills – Former Falcon Brian Scott has a chance to start at safety. Need I say more to explain why they are ranked this low. This one player negates all of the positive things that I planned to say about this defense.

#26 Jacksonville Jaguars – It is not going to be fun playing defense in Jacksonville this season. You have to face Peyton Manning, Andre Johnson, and Chris Johnson twice each. In addition to that you also have to deal with high powered offenses of the Arizona Cardinals and New England Patriots. Oh, and one more thing, YOU’RE NOT THAT GOOD!!!! Good luck, you are going to need it. (Jack, it’s time to dust off the resume. Because you my friend, have a bad football team on your hands).

#27 Cleveland Browns – Shaun Rogers and Eric Wright are legitimate NFL players. Too bad they are the only two.

#28 Tampa Bay Buccaneers – This unit is either too old or too unproven at basically every position. It will be a long year in Tampa. They are in the wrong division to have a bad defense.

#29 St. Louis Rams – Can Steve Spagnuolo create the pressure he did with the Giants. The answer is NO, and THEY WILL STRUGGLE! On the bright-side, running backs will be stopped as soon as they cross the first-down marker this season. That is because they drafted THE NEXT KIETH BROOKING, in middle linebacker James Laurinaitis. Am I the only one that sees the similarities?

#30 Detroit Lions – Any success that they have this season will be the result of scheme and effort. They do have two talented players on defense in Ernie Simms and Julian Peterson, but the star of this defense will be new head coach Jim Schwartz. I’m sure that Lions fans are hoping their defense can one day be as good as the one in Nashville. Well they have the man that built the Titans on their sideline now, so we will see what he can do.

#31 Kansas City Chiefs – At least they aren’t last, but they are behind Detroit.

#32 Denver Broncos – Josh McDaniel was smart enough to run off a franchise quarterback, when he was inheriting the league’s worst defense. That was smart. Then you replaced him with a quarterback whose skill set says that you play it safe on offense and let your defense win the games. BUT YOUR DEFENSE SUCKS!!!! This guy is definitely not winning Coach Of The Year. Champ Bailey is still good, but past his prime. DJ Williams is also a good player, but the defensive line can’t get any pressure on the quarterback. This means that it will be a long year in Denver. They won’t be able to score on offense and they CERTAINLY WON’T BE ABLE TO STOP TEAMS FROM SCORING ON DEFENSE!!!! You must remember that this team had the #2 ranked offense in the league last season, and MISSED THE PLAYOFFS!!!! And guess what, they did not make any upgrades from that defensive unit.

AND NOW FOR MY BALLER & SCRUB OF THE WEEK!

BALLER: Usain Bolt (Jamaican Track Team) – Bolt not only won three gold medals at the Track & Field World Championships, he also set two new world records. This guy is amazing. He is easily the fastest human on earth. What is really scary is that none of his races are ever close. All I can say is WOW!

SCRUB: Josh McDaniel (Head Coach of the Denver Broncos) – That quarterback you replaced Jay Cutler with threw THREE INTERCEPTION IN HIS FIRST PRE-SEASON ACTION! That was a great trade. I know it is only pre-season, but it is Kyle Orton. Do you expect him to suddenly turn into Peyton Manning when the regular season starts? Don’t hold your breath! I know that you didn’t throw the picks, but I am still blaming you because you are the one that brought him here. If you didn’t make him a Denver Bronco, there is no way that he throws those picks for the Denver Broncos. I used to have a hard time deciding if Mike Tice or Marty Mornhinweg were the dumbest coaches in NFL history. But you have taken that title from both of them, WITHOUT COACHING ONE REGULAR SEASON GAME!!!! By the way, your best player (Brandon Marshall) also wants out. Have you ever heard the phrase, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”? Guess what, the offense in Denver was great before you arrived. Why didn’t you try to run off the defensive players instead? That would have been more productive. If you don’t win the Super Bowl this year (and trust me, you won’t), the people of Denver will do their best to run you out of town.